The Humane Snap

This is Stephen: Flash back 6 days ago-- Our house had been overrun by mice in the two short weeks we were gone over vacation. The name I want to call them is not nice at all. The little scheming rodents of small size and gestation had a Class A party in my house, in my kitchen, and even in my bed while I was gone. They immediately signed their death warrants. I asked my dear wife to buy the old fashioned snap mouse traps. I was "a goin' a huntin'!" I specifically stated that I didn't want the "humane" sticky pads. Gracie got the snap traps. We killed some of the nasty vermin. I wanted some more traps. Gracie got them....in addition to some sticky pads. Asked what the sticky pads were for. She said they were good for cockroaches too. So I strugged my shoulders and set the snap traps. We killed more mice. Gracie called me at work today. She wanted me to come home in a half playful, half serious way. I asked what was the problem (pipe freeze maybe?). A very funny conversation followed.

My dear wife stated that a mouse had been stuck to one of the sticky pads and that it was, "still moving." I asked if the victim was crying, she replied that it was "mostly just lying there." I thought it could have waited, but it would be better for her to put it out of its misery.....but how? I notified Gracie she needed to kill the mouse. She asked how. I brain stormed.

Option number one: It was an opportunity to pretend that she was in a survival situation. She could blow torch the little wiggly protein bar good and hard and then try to taste the more meaty parts. No good.

Option number two: She could blugeon it to death. But my daughter would be watching and might not like it. Disregard.

Option number three: She could drown it, but where? How about in the bucket with discarded antifreeze? Perfect. Gracie asks me, "But won't that contaminate it?" "It's going to be recycled," I explain. No problem.

I called a couple hours later. The deed had been done. When I asked were the final resting place of the victim was. Why, it was still in the bucket, of course! We both had a good laugh! The poor victim did get moved to the container where he will rest in a publically funded grave, far away, with the rest of his family.

The lesson for all of us: Don't redefine humane.

I love you, Gracie!!!!! Thanks for making me laugh with your cuteness!